Umbrella Etiquette

Umbrella wielding gentlemen like the ones pictured to the left have an obligation to their fellow pedestrians. In Tokyo, umbrella etiquette extends to holding yours open while the person disembarking from the bus behind you gets his deployed. According to a poster on the Craigslist forum, New York City's rules of umbrella etiquette are more basic:

1. Please leave your patio umbrellas in storage or attached to said patio table. You egomaniacs do not need to take up a 10 ft radius of dry space.

2. If you choose to ignore Rule #1, please have the common courtesy to raise your patio umbrella when sharing sidewalk space with other umbrella-carriers. Not doing so will result in umbrella fender benders and will block traffic behind you, causing both coffee and people to spill.

3. If wearing a rain parka, hat, and a hood, please leave your umbrella at home. Once again, dry space is limited and you have already established your necessary space.

4. If it is determined that you need an umbrella, please do not then hog overhangs or awnings. Once again, you have a f#!%*~g umbrella, so please reserve limited dry space for the poor shleps who do not.

5. Please, for the love of god, if you have spiky metal points shooting outof your umbrella, use extra caution when cutting people off, etc. or just f#!%*~g buy a new $3 umbrella - they are everywhere.

If these rules are not followed, then any fellow New Yorker has the right to take your umbrella, patio or otherwise, and beat you with it.

Of course, New York is not the only place that gets wet. Given the climate, the English had incentive to perfect the umbrella and the firm of Swaine Adeney Brigg & Sons has come close to achieving that high standard. A Brigg umbrella is usually made of a single piece of wood, and the handle crook is bent by hand using steam. The frame is made from oil tempered steel, the springs are individually crafted from nickel silver and the ribs and stretchers are hand wired together to add strength. Finally, the umbrella canopy is made from waterproofed silk. The result costs considerably more than $3.