Though I like to think that most ASW readers are careful with their dress generally, the first time a man takes a prospective partner out socially sets the tone for any subsequent relationship. That means some extra thought should be given to the occasion, and to dress (you knew we would be getting to that did you not?).
Appropriate clothing is always situational, which is the reason Richard Gere sent Julia Roberts out to buy clothes before being seen with her publicly in the film Pretty Woman. Sending one's date shopping in advance of the occasion is, of course, unlikely to be appropriate however desireable it might be theoretically. That leaves us to ask ourselves what will make the datee comfortable. After all, their comfort will also be ours. Tune the formality level to the other person.
That said, the first date is safer when the number of conversational opportunities are relatively controllable. A concert, for example, or a film, provides space to determine if the other has anything to say without creating the possibility of long mutual silences, as a one-on-one dinner might when there proves to be less personality on the other side of the table than one had hoped. After all, the evening is usually easily extended when things are going well. The opposite is harder. But I digress.
The types of occasions that make for successful first dates leave us with a surprisingly narrow range of clothing choices. Need I say that black tie is unlikely? A suit will generally set too formal a tone, most odd jackets are wrong after six, and men who would choose to go jacketless are surely reading some other advice. This leaves us with the blazer or a velvet jacket by default, and I like the velvet best if one is available. In dark blue. Combine it with polished black slip-on shoes or velvet slippers, and relate the trousers to the occasion. Denim works well for films if you own any denim, with gray flannel a better choice for the theater. Subtract socks when the weather allows and add a bow tie if your self-confidence permits.
Good luck to you.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Thoughts for a First Date
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10 comments:
Will, I think this is the first time I've witnessed your otherwise impeccable taste run beyond the pale.Velvet jacket and slippers for a first date? Perhaps if you're Hefner. On their first date Barbi Benton is said to have told Hef, "I've never dated anyone over 21?" To which he famously replied, "Neither have I."
My own experience would indicate that movies are bad choices for the first few dates since the whole point is to determine whether the two of you can have a face-to-face conversation. Go to dinner, wear a suit, and let her know to expect you'll be wearing one.
Reasonable men can disagree. To me, the purpose of a first date is to determine whether there should be a second, and I see no reason anyone should suffer during the failures. I have had enough of those to learn that I could tell whether I wanted to date someone again from the time we spent talking on the way to the event, during intermission and the drink afterwards if there was one, and on the way home. No need to resort to dinner for the first date - a boring dinner is a miserable experience as you know.
As to dress, the slippers might be a bit louche, though I would wear them in resort towns on either coast, but I will defend the velvet jacket in black, midnight or even dark brown. Hefner's ability to conduct adult relationships has nothing to do with it.
I would think a suit without a tie is sufficiently informal and sufficiently stylish for a date in the evening. A velvet jacket strikes me as too much, especially for the younger man.
In America it is the younger men who wear the velvet jackets. And, in my opinion, a suit without a necktie is always just wrong to put it mildly. If you read a bit of the blog I am fairly sure I have explained myself somewhere.
Well, I thought about it and I have come to the conclusion that the velvet jacket ruse would have been for me in my dating days a perfectly fine way to determine whether she had any sense of style or not. So since the younger man wears the velvet these days, I am all for it and congratulate you Will on a reinvigorating a garment of such questionable place among many more pedestrian gentlemen.
Once upon a time, I met a woman when I was out dancing. We hit it off, and made a date. I did, in fact, wear a bow tie on that date.
She & I are now married with children.
Having never been on a first date with a slipper wearing man, I have however been on a few with men who carefully (insert sarcasm) selected their best logo tee shirt and athletic sneakers. To add on to Will's comment, I thought the purpose of the first date was to determine if there is a second without EXCLUDING the possibility!
In writing most odd jackets are wrong after six, does this mean patterned and/or lighter colored, or something more? What examples of odd jacketing might be appropriate after six?
Most of my recent first dates have been at Starbucks. No one wears velvet at Starbucks.
Concerning a suit without a tie, do you always think it wrong? What is your opinion of this sort of look:
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_h4Gbra-gVvc/SdmBmqHuaII/AAAAAAAAJ3Q/gu5CyMtr4ks/s400/PS+Paul+Smith+Summer+2009+2.jpg
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